Dating Detox: 40 Days of Perfecting Love in an Imperfect World by Kevin Cotter & Lisa Cotter

Author:Kevin Cotter & Lisa Cotter [Cotter, Kevin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Spiritual & Religion
ISBN: 9781681497433
Publisher: Ignatius Press
Published: 2017-01-12T06:00:00+00:00

Day 21: Revealing

Men, this chapter may seem like it is only for women, but we think it’s important for you to read it as well, so please don’t skip it. . . there is a challenge for you today, too!

As a Division 1 basketball player, Catherine spent a significant amount of time working out so that she was in top shape for her sport. Not only did all the exercise benefit her on the court, but it also gave her a body she was proud to highlight with the clothes she wore.

“I came from the perspective as an athlete that I worked hard for my body to look the way it did. My question was, ‘Why would I hide my body?’ ”

When challenged about how her dress might affect men, she just shrugged her shoulders and said, “If a guy struggles with lust then it probably won’t matter what I’m wearing. That’s their issue. . . it shouldn’t dictate how I live my life or what I wear.”

Catherine’s perspective echoed that of many of the women I’ve spoken with on the topic of modesty. To them, the only reason you’d cover your body is if you were embarrassed by it; and if guys battled with objectifying women because of the way they dressed, well then, that was their problem.

Help a Brother Out

As you read in the last two chapters, difficulties with lusting after or fantasizing about others are real. You also know that the only one in charge of what another person does with his or her physical and emotional passions is that person. So, yes, in a sense, if the way a woman is dressed tempts a guy to lust, then it is his problem—but now that you know what a struggle it can be for guys to keep pure minds, would you be willing to do a few things to help a brother out?

Ladies, we’re not asking you to be conscious of how your dress can affect men out of resentment or fear. Those are actually very dangerous reasons to dress modestly. Resenting guys because you think they can’t control themselves can lead to an unhealthy opinion of them and their ability to choose to do the virtuous thing. Fearing that your body might cause a guy to stumble can lead to seeing your body as something that’s bad and sinful when it’s neither. If resentment and fear are your driving forces, then the chances of you truly embracing modesty with any semblance of joy will be low.

Rather, we’re asking you to consider dressing modestly out of love—love for your brothers and a desire to do what you can to help them not to see you as a thing, but as a person who is an immortal daughter of the Most High King.

Change of Heart

Now, all of the above is good and true, and we hope you take it into consideration. But we’ve learned that it doesn’t always speak to the hearts of women. Intellectually, sure, we get it, but sometimes we still don’t care enough to make necessary changes.

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